You will need
  • If we do not set ourselves such tasks, and only want to be better understood and considered our opinion, it is helpful to familiarize yourself with the basic concepts and basic techniques of human exposure. This will help us NLP, or neurolinguistic programming.
Step 1. The definition of a driving system of human perception, i.e. of the system that is dominant in the cognition and perception of the world.
Experts identify three main: auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. When the dominant auditory system people most of the information perceived by the ear - "hearing"; when visually – perceived image - "sees"; kinesthetic – actions - "make". The vast majority of a person is present mixed system, that is, the dominant is followed by a support. For example, "auditory" is often complementary to their perception of the images: "hearing the noise of the vast blue sea."
How to determine the dominant system? He will tell you about it! For verbal expression of their thoughts and desires peculiar to man. So, if the person addressing you, said: "Listen to me!" is not only an indication of his Central auditory system, but also an invitation to talk with him in the framework of this system, that is, he wants to be heard. If he says "Look at this!" - this means that he perceives the world through the eyes and it surrounding images are the main source of information about the world. When he offers: "Let's go somewhere?" it means that for him the action is a familiar and comfortable state. These examples are very simple, but if you will closely pay attention to the statements of the interlocutor, you will find a lot of nuances in the manifestation of its dominant system.
Step 2. Adjustment. Adjustment required to create a comfortable atmosphere and rapport with your interlocutor, who must understand that dialogue is the "unified coordinate system". Many conflicts and misunderstanding happen because people operate with different categories and find meaningful platform for dialogue.
So you listen carefully to the interlocutor, according to the moderators determine what system is a leading. Listen to nouns, adjectives and verbs. What more? As the man describes the events, people, phenomena? When you understand what the system is leading, you can "tune out". You start using in his speech about the same words and definitions, synonyms, and antonyms, shouting, and rhythm of speech that you and your partner. At first it will be difficult, if your system is not "related". After some practice you will easily be able to achieve the necessary level of adjustment. For initial practice, listen to the conversations of your colleagues or other people, speeches of politicians, celebrity interviews, etc., analyze them, identify the host system. Try to write the text of the acceptance speech, formulate questions for that person.
It is important that the adjustment podkreplyalisj and other methods. First and foremost – adjustment gestures. The most effective way – "mirroring". For example, a person sitting in front of you, closed palm. Close and you. Threw a leg – cast and you, just the same as the source. If straightens her hair or looks at his watch – "userchoice", but not immediately and explicitly, and after some time. In other words, you give him to understand that you "own". In addition to gestures, you have to consider the rhythm of breathing and of speech, voice volume, intonation and more. Give to open his companion and you will learn a lot more about it than perhaps he knows about himself.
Step 3. Impact. So you've defined the driving system of your partner and understand what "language" it should be to communicate. Proceed to the effects. If you want to request, wish, demand – rely on the same words, statements that he will hear, will see, will be executed. Use familiar gestures, intonation, speed of speech and peculiarities of expression of their emotions, only your promise needs to be somewhat strengthened: a little more dramatic gestures, slightly higher tone, etc. the Manner of bringing to consciousness of the interlocutor to your wishes you can choose for yourself (calmly, aggressively, pleadingly), but in any case it should be in its "coordinate system". Once you understand that your message received and your opponent is ready for communication, go to the final stage.
Step 4. Anchoring. This technique can be defined as "understood the material". Once you understand that you are "on the same wavelength" with someone, you need to fix what failed to agree. Even if you are not able to agree, the technique of anchoring will allow you to "remind" about your conversation next time.

The most effective technique of anchoring are tactile sensation, the "anchor". Ways weight, and they are chosen based on the situation and the level of relations with the interlocutor. For example, walking with him, in the end of the discussion gently squeeze his arm just above the elbow, or squeeze his hand between his palms. This may be a particular sound, for example, light cotton, something special your gesture, a look, that is something that will associate the subject of your conversation with you, it will be your personal sign. This sign should not be Intrusive and must be in the "coordinate system". For example, if you "saw" should not say "later" or "catch up".

Next time activate your "anchor": take the ice, remind him the essence of the conversation in the "system of coordinates", continue communicating on the wave of where your interlocutor feel comfortable. Soon your requests and wishes will be fulfilled and you will realize that their goals can be successfully achieved without the scandals, reproaches and insults.