Tactics, leading to negative result
As a rule, people with unsettled personal emotional space is very difficult to recognize when to defend, when to attack, and when the war they were never announced. Every new negative experience just adds to the stash, and then often "shoots" in the wrong way.
It is not necessary to draw conclusions from the particular to the General. Even when someone has used you, not the fact that when a similar situation the other person will pursue the same objective. If you notice an aggressive reaction to someone's persistent requests, such as "what are you pressuring me!" - think about it! Whether the person you're under pressure or are you just projecting your negative experience. This is very important because if you believe that, by expressing their needs, the surrounding people trying to pressure you, you will not clearly declare their own needs, not wanting to be accused of this pressure.
There is also the reverse side of the coin: to start a "war" where there is none. So initially you talk about your desires with aggression and anger, as if you had already refused more than once. Thus, you hide your fear of being rejected and misunderstood, because the defense, as you know is the best offense.
How to change
In fact, you need to realize that this world is not always friendly, and your needs, actually, can have someone to cause a negative reaction. However, this is not your problem. It is important to do everything that you heard. Here a simple and constructive dialogue.
You can safely and confidently say that you want (or, conversely, what you don't want) in a relationship with this person. It can be anyone: a relative, partner, friend or colleague at work, the main thing that you were talking about yourself. Don't start with accusations, they say, you have not provided your need, therefore, man is already guilty in front of you a priori. This is not so. He or she may not know about the existence you have this need.
However, do not and "mumble", one can erroneously conclude that your need is not so important for you.
