What is the offense?
Resentment occurs most often as a result of a mismatch of our plans with reality. Disappointed expectations give rise to in the human being claims to the world and people. Resentment is dissatisfaction with the events or a certain person, their social status, appearance, and overall – a life in which, as it seems the offended person, lacking the necessary goods: love, warmth, or more material things - money, comfort, success, good grades.
The negativity is directed at a specific person or group of people and, as a rule, or leads to the external conflict, or to "samopouzdanja". The resentment expressed outwardly, inevitably leads to alienation, loss of relationships with loved ones, to the destruction of relationships, scandals.
The offense suffered in silence entails serious consequences: evil directed inward, as a rule, leads to psychological instability, mental disorders, physical ailments.
Physically man is experiencing resentment, weakens, becomes less resilient, more vulnerable to diseases. Suffering and mind: chronic resentment can lead to depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder. Doctors suggest that excessive sensitivity can lead to manic-depressive psychosis. Another severe consequence, according to doctors, can become cancer. In a state of resentment, the brain is disturbed, distorted perception, reduced immunity.
Resenting, man cannot think constructively, work hard, enjoy life, it "all goes wrong", it may pursue failure. Even the feeling of love, tainted with resentment, takes on the character of painful addiction, "cursed" attachment of the offended to the offender, and over time can develop into a real hatred.
Resentment as a tool to achieve the goal
Another feature of the resentment expressed openly, is the tendency to manipulation. Usually demonstrative resentment is used as a psychological weapon in the relationship to cause feelings of guilt. With remorse, driven by sympathy or pity, the man becomes more malleable, and often gives us what we seek. However, sometimes we get only formally.
Too frequent manipulation with resentment leads to the loss of honesty in relationships. And sooner or later the moment comes when we give what we seek, as if trying to get rid of the annoying claims or cease to respond to grievances they are just not noticing. Often, these emasculated the relationship just stops and the feelings fade away.
How to overcome resentment?
Abstracted from emotions. Imagine that you have changed places with the abuser. Try to understand it. Perhaps people are not even aware of your problems, and neither sleep nor spirit, as they say, does not know that you offended? Maybe his rudeness caused personal pain? Maybe that pain caused you unconscious?
Try to accept the circumstances of the people who surround you – as a given. Think about what you can improve, and what can be done?
Remember: you can't improve your own life, trying to change the people around you. Only by changing the attitude to life and people, by their own improvement, you can change the quality of relations. In other words, if you change yourself for the better, the attitude to you will change.
Sometimes the offense has a good reason. You humiliate, offend a friend or a loved one? Perhaps you have a problem with self-esteem. You need to either put in the place of the offender, openly showing his negative attitude – or, to put between the offender and a protective barrier. Sometimes these relationships better put a stop to it – of course, if we are not talking about close relatives, children, parents.
Why is it important to learn to forgive offenses?
In a state of resentment people feel as if sick. And this feeling occurs not just. Resentment is one of the spiritual ailments, actually is a mental illness. If you let it grow, the consequences would be extremely unpleasant.
The only cure of a morbid state, in which immersed people because of resentment is forgiveness. To forgive means to renounce vengeance, from discontent, to direct energy in a creative direction - the restoration of friendly relations and trust. When the vital energy works with positive sign, improves mood, strengthens physical health.
It is extremely important to learn how to forgive. It is not necessary to interpret your forgiveness as a blessing in relation to the offender: you rascal – I the Holy. Forgiveness is a need, first and foremost, to you, to the destructive energy of resentment did not destroy your life.
To carry a grudge, carry a pile of their outstanding claims is not to value their lives and those who is good to us. Repel resentment, accusations, annoying, claim destroy all the best that connects even very close friends. Touchy people lose friends, they don't like at work. And it's not surprising people like that him to no end "strain"? Staying in their own the offense, we deprive ourselves of those who are offended, the comfort in the relationship.
Well, if you have a balanced, wise friend who will support your spirit and distract from the hard, vengeful thoughts. Complaining about insults to friends who will only inflame emotions in words supporting not you, but your negativity is strictly forbidden. This will only exacerbate the severe psychological state and exacerbate the conflict that you are experiencing.
Resentment is a hidden or obvious hostility. Forgiving, man is inwardly refusing the hostile relationship. If you forgive the wrongs difficult and they tortured you have to wonder if all is right with your soul and psyche? Perhaps you should go to a psychologist, but if you are a believer, then ask for advice in the Church.